Gay Man’s Life Changes After Adoption of Son

Working a demanding full-time job while studying for a Ph.D. is stressful enough, but throw in adopting a child? That’s what Tariem Burroughs did, and in the process of it all, learned what’s really most important in life.

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Hi.
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My name’s Tariem Burroughs and I am from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
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My partner and I, we always knew we wanted to have kids, even when we first met.
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Luckily a person that I had – went to grad school with randomly worked in an adoption
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agency, so when it came time for us to think about becoming parents, it kind of worked
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out.
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We went through all the classes and everything and during this time, I was working full-time,
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I was also starting a PhD and that was a lot.
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It then hit a point that we thought that, all right, this might not happen.
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And that sometimes happens with a lot of parents that go through the adoption process.
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And I had also planned a trip to Europe with a friend because we wanted to like – this
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is when… we never know… this is gonna be the last time that we’re able to do something
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like that.
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And so I talked to my partner, he was like, “You know what?
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It’s been a minute.
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Just go.”
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So we actually put our adoption on hold.
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After we came back, three days later, we got a call, and they’re like, “There’s a
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kid.”
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And we’re like, “Okay.”
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We go through all the paperwork and 4 days after he’s born, we get to meet him.
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There was some kind of an emergency placement and we’re going through everything, and so
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I still was tying up some things for work.
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Walk in the room and see this beautiful face and said, I told my partner, “Hold on.
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I have to do this phone call for work.”
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He’s like, “Okay.
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He’s asleep.
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It’s okay.”
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I go out there, had a phone call.
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The phone call did not go the way that I like it – like I would have liked to go – and to
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a point to that stress of like just working and just going through all these emotional
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things at the time, and also going through school – going through school at the time,
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it just kind of all welled up at one moment and then I just started to cry.
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So he was like, “Why are you crying?”
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It’s just like, it’s just a lot.
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I go back and I look at this little face, my son.
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And it was like – it really got to the point, it’s like, What is important in my life?
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It’s him.
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He’s important.
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He’s the most important thing in my life right now.
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I was lucky enough that it was the summer.
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He was born in June and I was able to take some time off of work and not have to worry
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about school for that moment.
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That was a very – a very great three months, a very long three months at the same time.
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But it also came towards maybe around month 2 or towards the end of my leave that I started
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getting a little down, started getting a little blue, started getting a little depressed.
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So I – like everything’s like work’s going to come back, schools going to come back to
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me at the same time.
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And now I’m a parent and also a husband.
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One day, like, I got up and I wrote myself a letter.
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I just sat at the computer and started typing and just like kind of let it all out.
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Because I didn’t know how to process the way I was feeling and in the past, if I was ever
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feel this way, it was always through writing that really helped me, like, process.
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I didn’t want to share with my partner at the time.
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It’s like, We’re doing good… we’ll get through this.
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But then it hit a point like, I need to share this with you.
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This is how I… this is how I’m feeling.
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There’s a lot going on.
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He was very receptive to it and he was like, “You need a change.”
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Once I wrote that letter and then I actually came back to work, then I sat in the chair
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and kinda – everything kind of came back and I was like, Wow… this is… this is a lot.
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And now I also have to go to daycare and I have to talk to his teacher, who is a very
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lovely woman who talked a whole lot, and she kept us there for 15 extra minutes but she
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gave me his whole entire day.
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I was like, Man, I missed all that.
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I missed seeing all these things that my little potato cat is doing and I don’t want to really
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miss those things anymore.
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And so that also kinda added to, like, the reason for, like, kind of making a real life
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change.
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A few months later, work ran out of funding.
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I was like, Okay.
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This is not the end of the world.
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And I talked to my program and it was like, “We can fund you.”
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My PhD program, that is.
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It was like, “We can fund you so you can finish your studies.”
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I was like, This is great.
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And so I was able to continue on but also do some other’s side projects that I really
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loved, but the greatest thing was I was able to take my son to school, I was able to be
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here in the evening to, like, put him to bed, and I was also really able to focus on my
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studies.
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I wish I figured out sooner, rather, what was really important and it was actually him
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and just kind of being a dad.
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He is the greatest addition that we’ve ever created and I don’t care if the cats or the
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dogs hear this – love them too – but this guy, Finn, was just amazing for us.
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It’s so weird that – how certain things in your life just really change your perspective
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on what is actually important in life.
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Now that I’m talking about it, I didn’t realize that he changed my life and our lives
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on multiple planes, and really made me focus and drive and do things that I really love.
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But not only because I love it, I love it because it’s also I want to create a stronger
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and a better world for you.
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I have grown a lot and Finn is one of the reasons I feel like I have grown.